I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
