why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My bed smells like the plague
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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