Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
