do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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