Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
