nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
