Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
