I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
