we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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