One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
