How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
