Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
