Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
