we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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