By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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