I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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