He is an equal opportunity slut.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
