UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
