batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
