Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is this the sara with the beer cane?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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