I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
