True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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