Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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