After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
