In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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