Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
