I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
