He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
