I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Randomize
