why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
