I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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