you traded sex for a burrito?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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