Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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