I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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