im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
