The best revenge is premature balding
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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