I wish I only lived at night.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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