oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
