If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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