I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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