i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
