I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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