his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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