i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
