I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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