Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
