Can i not drive my cunt home
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So squirting runs in the family.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
