Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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