he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
