nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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