i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
